Sunday's Dance

Jeremiah 31:13 English Standard Version (ESV) 13 Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old shall be merry. I will turn their mourning into joy;*** It was crazy yesterday. We were busy and for me at least out of my element and routine. Normally we do the 1st service at church and then go home...Yesterday was the oppisite. The church decided to have a brunch between services. There were hundreds of people in the gym and out in the courtyard eating... I like routine. I like quiet. During set up a friend of mine and I would help some then retreat to the halls of the church to check out the artwork. That was awesome. During this time I am on edge. Unsure; chaotic inside. This is where grace has to step in and cover when I am fearful. I keep telling myself that this is special a time of celebration...but I am still wary...so many people... Brunch is over and we get settled in the sanctuary to get ready for second service. Bruce realizes he has to tear down the brunch. I am panicking. Instead of placing my comfort in God I am placing my trust and comfort in a person. I want to whine that I need him but realize he needs to serve and worship in his way and I in mine. More people come in. The pews are packed. I love it. I see Bruce again but because of all the people we cannot sit together. My child heart is disappointed. But I continue on with the service. In the sweetness of grace we manage to do communion together. I am anxious. So many people… One of the beautiful traditions of Sunday is on the last hymn the children come up and dance. I long to do that…to dance. Bruce and I have talked about it. I have told him that before we go to Nicaragua I want to be up there and dance… The last song begins…He taps my shoulder and says come on…I whisper I am scared. No. He says it is ok I am going up to dance. I get out of the pew we walk down front. There is a tambourine on the floor Bruce grabs it and starts to sing. I am undone. My fear, my joy my love for God and the work He has done in our life comes down to a simple Resurrection dance with children. Though I am not dancing yet..I am touching my husband’s back in tears...Singing knowing that one day I really will dance..until that time it is enough to be scared. Unsure…but knowing the call. Knowing God and loving and believing and struggling..*** Psalm 30:11 English Standard Version (ESV) 11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,

Trust and the Hawk

How do I even begin to tell of the trust? The trust that was conditional as long as all went well. I could believe You for the past two years and the future...but the past? That is where I want to cross my arms, shake my head and say no. Then this song shows up in my life on a day where I can listen to it over and over again and not be distracted?! It even says specifically trust with out borders....I want to kick and scream and say NOOOOOO. But the beckoning of the promise that YOU are there...in the vulnerability. So God, here I am. The deep waters are roaring. The mission life calling. And the past looming. I give YOU my hand...lead me to that place what ever it looks like. I will hold on to YOU. I choose too. And if the grip should falter because of my doubt I know that You hold me closer still. And God thank you for the hawk...