Days like this...

Isaiah 44:8a (NIV) - Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago? You are my witnesses. My heart tells me to be afraid. It tells me there are outside forces working against this dream. This calling. Life here in the states is a proving ground. Life right now is our preparation. I don't suddenly become a missionary because I am in a different country. My field to work in is right here. Right now. How do I treat my coworkers? How do I treat my church family? How do I treat my kids? How do I treat my husband? When I look at life in the details I get overwhelmed. I know my heart is fickle. I know that I am pathetic when it comes to other people. And this is where the marvelous grace comes in and upends my attempts and makes it beautiful. My story. My life is about grace. Grace that led me out of darkness not once, not twice but daily. I am in a recovery group. We work the 12 steps. What I find ironic when I got sober I was a good church woman gone bad. I had become a slave to self. Through grace through the 12 steps and a God who was patient called me back to Himself. I was tired of the pain. Tired of living a lie. This time of year reminds me of the desparation that I felt. The slave of self. The slave of fear. Today it is different. Today I hear "You can do it". Today I hear "Get up". Today I hear hope. The cross becomes so much bigger in the futility. When I let go of the fear I am embraced by grace. Third Step Prayer- page 63 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous God, I offer myself to Thee- To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always. I used to cling to the relieve me of the bondage of self. Today it is about working and healing of those difficulties so that I can share God's love. How? A daily adventure. Today I get to be called one of His witnesses. Humbling...